7 Small Thing to do Before Bed When You're Overwhelmed

Some night’s you can do a wind-down and some nights, the wind-down is the problem.

When the day has been too much, the idea of a ‘routine’ can feel like another job. Another list, another thing you might fail at. So this isn’t a routine. It’s 7 things, any of which you can do, none of which you have to do. They aren’t going to fix the day, or going to guarantee sleep. They’re just small softnesses you can offer the body before the night arrives.

Pick one. Pick none. Skin and close the tab.

Change into something soft

Not into Pyjamas particularly, just something soft. A different fabric on your skin can act as a small signal that the day, in some way, is finished. It doesn’t have to be cute or match, it just has to feel different from whatever you wore through the hours that wore you out.

Lower the light

Not all of them, or in a ritualistic way, just turn one or two off (the big lights). There’s a small thing the nervous system does when the room gets dimmer. It doesn’t ask why. It just notices that the light has softened and softens slightly in response.

Warm something

A drink, a bath, a hot water bottle held against your chest whilst you sit on the side of the bed. The body, when it’s overwhelmed often runs cool in odd places. Warmth doesn’t fix anything, but it gives the system something kind to notice. It’s hard to be entirely braced when you’re holding something warm.

Put one thing away

Not tidy or clean, just put one thing away. The mug from earlier, or the jumper you left on the chair. One single object, out of sight. Overwhelm often comes from a room that looks like a list, and you can shorten the list by one without it becoming a project.

Name the loop

There’s usually a thought that’s been circling. The conversation you didn’t handle well or the email you forgot to send. The thing tomorrow that you don’t want to have to do. You don’t have to solve it in this moment, you just have to name it, quietly to yourself ‘This is the thing I’m thinking about’ Naming it doesn’t make it go away but it sometimes stops it from running in the background, demanding your attention.

Put a soft sound in the room

A voice, a rain track, or an ASMR video. Something quiet enough that you don’t have to listen to it, but present enough that your mind has somewhere to land. Silence is a wonderful thing for nervous systems. For others, silence is just the room where the thoughts get louder. If this is you, you’re allowed to fill it with something soft.

Tell yourself it doesn’t have to be a good night

This is the one I find hardest. The agreement, in advance, that the night is allowed to be whatever it is, that you don’t have to fall asleep quickly. That I don’t have to stay asleep or wake up at 3am and it won’t be a verdict on the day or your nervous system. Just a night, the next one will be along soon.

These aren’t tips, they are just small permissions you can do. It doesn’t need to be all of them, it might be that you only manage one and go to bed. The point is to perform a wind-down without putting a name on it. When the day has been too much you have these small things available to you, and non of them require more energy than you currently have.

You’re allowed to do less than you think you should.

Rest well.